10 things I get to do at dalmiapuram
Agent Name: Crazy Fool
Coordinates: Beyond Timbuktu
Mission: Avoid drowning in the coal swamps and survive without human contact
Reward: Will be sent back to civilization dirtier but wiser
That should sum up shortly about my current situation. As my bootcamp existence continues here in this god-forsaken place, (I have to run for just 40 seconds before I am out of the township………ok ok……..it is 20), I have learnt to appreciate all the simple things in life like dead insects, the dust filled manufacturing plant and sign language.
The reason I chose such a suicidal mission was that I dint realize the suicideness factor in the assignment. Things you must ask your manager before you get deported:
1. Does the client work on Saturdays?
2. Do you work on Sundays?
3. How many hours are there in a day?
4. How many days are there in a week?
5. How many hours are there in a week?
6. Out of the above, how many should a normal person work? Abnormal one?
7. Would it make a difference if I were to be married?
8. Do I need to use sign language?
9. Will I have to take up new religion/faith?
10. Will the project end?
The above is expected to be only a starting point for all those wary consultants.
Why I decided to chose coming here was to travel to the exotic locations on the weekends and here I am logging in hours on Sunday. Now I don’t even know the Fridays and Mondays of the week. Anyways, too much of digression can kill you so I will get straight to the point. The 10 things one gets to do here are (it is a different thing that you are forced to do it):
1. Detox – Non-vegetarian food is strictly banned which means that people like me have to live by breathing air. I tried doing that for 4 hours and my basic instincts won over me. It has been 3 weeks now and I feel fully purged with all the vegetarian food that has been going into my system. While I think so, my manager thinks otherwise and so I get to stay here until I am 200% sure (I might get an ISO certification for this). But the brighter side is that I still get to crack/listen to non-veg jokes (which I think is also banned).
2. See dirty naked feet – The dirty barefoot trails from the toilets that disappear into any department is a first for me. In this cement plant, dust is the sixth element. But the sense of hygiene here makes me realize what a complete city-bred hypersensitive wimp I am
3. Drown in coal swamps – On my plant tour, I dint realize how the colour of my shoes changed from shiny black to dull grey. If I get to stay an extra day here, I shall try fishing in the piles of coal dust. Who knows. My first nonveg meal could be found here
4. Live with chirpy roomies – It is a different thing that you don’t want them. In my old room, I had a lizard in my cupboard and then another one that had just moved in after its meal. While I have no problem with lizards, I just don’t want to pull out a lizard from the pocket in front of the client. Considering that I am expected to pull out rabbits from the hat, the lizards can wait.
I have shifted to a new room hence and I had a lizard fall on me just a few hours back. The new-born seems to be confused and has scampered away to some dark recess in the room. So I have kept my shoes on the dustbin to ensure that he doesn’t find a sleeping den there. Lets just call him “Prabhu Mihika”
5. Get to walk back home for lunch – This was one thing I always wanted to do. It is a different matter that I take the three sides of the square rather than one to reach the dining hall
6. Get to see a village – What can I say. One more thing off my wishlist
7. Interact with people who think you are deaf – I do not blame them one bit. I think it is the manufacturing plant where people with stentorian voices shout at the top of their lungs but still cant be heard. It has been scientifically proved that the after effects of this can last from 25 -75 years
8. Sleep in a double bed bedsheet – I am currently provided with a bed sheet that has enough room for me, Prabhu Mihika and his family.
9. Get your clothes washed thoroughly – This is one activity that has been around for as long as mankind. And these guys here give my clothes a thorough rinsing, the after effects of which are getting visible in the last 2 days. I have lost a shirt button, half a cuff button and my pant button is getting loose. Soon, I will be wearing clothes without buttons. And I don’t dread this as I think this is the best way and probably the only reason why my manager would send me back to civilization
10. Have long-standing food – I think the food here lasts for 2-3 days. But they try their best to finish it in one day. Say you have aloo sabji for lunch. The natural course of action is to make masala dosa with it. Or say you have leftover curd. Make dahi wada with it. But it sure is one helluva purging orgy.
Coordinates: Beyond Timbuktu
Mission: Avoid drowning in the coal swamps and survive without human contact
Reward: Will be sent back to civilization dirtier but wiser
That should sum up shortly about my current situation. As my bootcamp existence continues here in this god-forsaken place, (I have to run for just 40 seconds before I am out of the township………ok ok……..it is 20), I have learnt to appreciate all the simple things in life like dead insects, the dust filled manufacturing plant and sign language.
The reason I chose such a suicidal mission was that I dint realize the suicideness factor in the assignment. Things you must ask your manager before you get deported:
1. Does the client work on Saturdays?
2. Do you work on Sundays?
3. How many hours are there in a day?
4. How many days are there in a week?
5. How many hours are there in a week?
6. Out of the above, how many should a normal person work? Abnormal one?
7. Would it make a difference if I were to be married?
8. Do I need to use sign language?
9. Will I have to take up new religion/faith?
10. Will the project end?
The above is expected to be only a starting point for all those wary consultants.
Why I decided to chose coming here was to travel to the exotic locations on the weekends and here I am logging in hours on Sunday. Now I don’t even know the Fridays and Mondays of the week. Anyways, too much of digression can kill you so I will get straight to the point. The 10 things one gets to do here are (it is a different thing that you are forced to do it):
1. Detox – Non-vegetarian food is strictly banned which means that people like me have to live by breathing air. I tried doing that for 4 hours and my basic instincts won over me. It has been 3 weeks now and I feel fully purged with all the vegetarian food that has been going into my system. While I think so, my manager thinks otherwise and so I get to stay here until I am 200% sure (I might get an ISO certification for this). But the brighter side is that I still get to crack/listen to non-veg jokes (which I think is also banned).
2. See dirty naked feet – The dirty barefoot trails from the toilets that disappear into any department is a first for me. In this cement plant, dust is the sixth element. But the sense of hygiene here makes me realize what a complete city-bred hypersensitive wimp I am
3. Drown in coal swamps – On my plant tour, I dint realize how the colour of my shoes changed from shiny black to dull grey. If I get to stay an extra day here, I shall try fishing in the piles of coal dust. Who knows. My first nonveg meal could be found here
4. Live with chirpy roomies – It is a different thing that you don’t want them. In my old room, I had a lizard in my cupboard and then another one that had just moved in after its meal. While I have no problem with lizards, I just don’t want to pull out a lizard from the pocket in front of the client. Considering that I am expected to pull out rabbits from the hat, the lizards can wait.
I have shifted to a new room hence and I had a lizard fall on me just a few hours back. The new-born seems to be confused and has scampered away to some dark recess in the room. So I have kept my shoes on the dustbin to ensure that he doesn’t find a sleeping den there. Lets just call him “Prabhu Mihika”
5. Get to walk back home for lunch – This was one thing I always wanted to do. It is a different matter that I take the three sides of the square rather than one to reach the dining hall
6. Get to see a village – What can I say. One more thing off my wishlist
7. Interact with people who think you are deaf – I do not blame them one bit. I think it is the manufacturing plant where people with stentorian voices shout at the top of their lungs but still cant be heard. It has been scientifically proved that the after effects of this can last from 25 -75 years
8. Sleep in a double bed bedsheet – I am currently provided with a bed sheet that has enough room for me, Prabhu Mihika and his family.
9. Get your clothes washed thoroughly – This is one activity that has been around for as long as mankind. And these guys here give my clothes a thorough rinsing, the after effects of which are getting visible in the last 2 days. I have lost a shirt button, half a cuff button and my pant button is getting loose. Soon, I will be wearing clothes without buttons. And I don’t dread this as I think this is the best way and probably the only reason why my manager would send me back to civilization
10. Have long-standing food – I think the food here lasts for 2-3 days. But they try their best to finish it in one day. Say you have aloo sabji for lunch. The natural course of action is to make masala dosa with it. Or say you have leftover curd. Make dahi wada with it. But it sure is one helluva purging orgy.
posted by prad at 10:31 am
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