Warning:Reading the following post could save your life
From being a half-realistic and completely impractical consultant with a satiric view on life, ive turned into a angelic angel who will give you tips to navigate on this journey of life without encountering fatal realities. All you need to do is avoid the following groups of homo/hetero sapiens:
1. This one is for the health freaks. And this is the one that saves me on a regular basis.....
It is a beautiful morning. You are in your tracks, raring to conquer the track. Today i am going to jog 7 km...So you head off to the nearest park so that you will not get chased by the street dogs while jogging....or probably run down by one of the morons whose bearing sense is slightly better than that of a new born fish that does not know how to use its fins.......After a few minutes it starts getting crowded....you are getting tired.....and then it happens......hopefully it nearly happens.....the over enthusiastic person(who mostly happens to be a deceptively friendly corpulent aunty) whose arms are swinging wildly and who occupies half the track nearly punches you where the sun dont shine with her violent well-directed lash but you managed to survive only because of the skills your ape-like forefathers had given you.....
2. These are my favorite. While these category of people are the most annoying, your position of strength gives you a choice.....This has to do with people who have a overbearing sense of perfection in doing their job.....and you encounter them in the parking lots......sometimes dressed in white but mostly in dresses that would blend them with the surroundings(the reason you can give if you make a choice).....they assist you with parking your car and also in raising your BP and thus you having a near-death experience....."Sir.aur aage karo gaadi ko"...."is this ok?"...."no sir a few more centimeters"....."is it ok now?"....."no sir a few more mm"....."are you ok?"......"no sir a few more nanometres!!!".....now you have a choice....you can run him down with your car and ensure that the skid marks on his body obviate the need for him to dress up.....or you can choose to be nice but die of high bp.....and since im writing this post you can very well guess what choice i had made ......it feels good too....
3. There are for the freaks. This is about freaks...The rare ones....these are the ones who ensure that sleep-deprived people like me(with just 10 hours of sleep everyday)do not fall asleep while driving.....while it seems that i should be thankful to them(and i am in a certain way), a lot of my road-rage peers think otherwise.....These are the bunch who will honk more than they drive,honk while they drive even with an empty road in from of them......and they drive at the same speed as you are.....and these could be not just human beings but also your neighbors superintelligent pet that knows how to drive.....you can road rash the humans but dont ever do that with the pets as they will bite you(but the bite marks on my legs indicate otherwise).....
4. This is a category to which a lot of working people can relate to .....this category is also the most popular(67% of the surveyed including my imaginary pet tortoise have vouched for this)....These are over cautious clients......while they pay you to do your work, they also ensure that they delay the process....while this is only to ensure that you earn more as you will spend more time....this love kind of brings into question the reality of civilisation....From sending you back to your town because you do not have an id(there might be something like free lunch but there is nothing called free advice) to not letting you enter the premises because you behaved like a wild orangutan in civilisation for the first time to just delaying information so that you can appreciate the architecture of the premises.....all i can say is return the information as soon as you get it by mailing them back....ooops....
Please post any other categories you feel deserve to be in this roll of honor...i will try my best to do justice to them.....
1. This one is for the health freaks. And this is the one that saves me on a regular basis.....
It is a beautiful morning. You are in your tracks, raring to conquer the track. Today i am going to jog 7 km...So you head off to the nearest park so that you will not get chased by the street dogs while jogging....or probably run down by one of the morons whose bearing sense is slightly better than that of a new born fish that does not know how to use its fins.......After a few minutes it starts getting crowded....you are getting tired.....and then it happens......hopefully it nearly happens.....the over enthusiastic person(who mostly happens to be a deceptively friendly corpulent aunty) whose arms are swinging wildly and who occupies half the track nearly punches you where the sun dont shine with her violent well-directed lash but you managed to survive only because of the skills your ape-like forefathers had given you.....
2. These are my favorite. While these category of people are the most annoying, your position of strength gives you a choice.....This has to do with people who have a overbearing sense of perfection in doing their job.....and you encounter them in the parking lots......sometimes dressed in white but mostly in dresses that would blend them with the surroundings(the reason you can give if you make a choice).....they assist you with parking your car and also in raising your BP and thus you having a near-death experience....."Sir.aur aage karo gaadi ko"...."is this ok?"...."no sir a few more centimeters"....."is it ok now?"....."no sir a few more mm"....."are you ok?"......"no sir a few more nanometres!!!".....now you have a choice....you can run him down with your car and ensure that the skid marks on his body obviate the need for him to dress up.....or you can choose to be nice but die of high bp.....and since im writing this post you can very well guess what choice i had made ......it feels good too....
3. There are for the freaks. This is about freaks...The rare ones....these are the ones who ensure that sleep-deprived people like me(with just 10 hours of sleep everyday)do not fall asleep while driving.....while it seems that i should be thankful to them(and i am in a certain way), a lot of my road-rage peers think otherwise.....These are the bunch who will honk more than they drive,honk while they drive even with an empty road in from of them......and they drive at the same speed as you are.....and these could be not just human beings but also your neighbors superintelligent pet that knows how to drive.....you can road rash the humans but dont ever do that with the pets as they will bite you(but the bite marks on my legs indicate otherwise).....
4. This is a category to which a lot of working people can relate to .....this category is also the most popular(67% of the surveyed including my imaginary pet tortoise have vouched for this)....These are over cautious clients......while they pay you to do your work, they also ensure that they delay the process....while this is only to ensure that you earn more as you will spend more time....this love kind of brings into question the reality of civilisation....From sending you back to your town because you do not have an id(there might be something like free lunch but there is nothing called free advice) to not letting you enter the premises because you behaved like a wild orangutan in civilisation for the first time to just delaying information so that you can appreciate the architecture of the premises.....all i can say is return the information as soon as you get it by mailing them back....ooops....
Please post any other categories you feel deserve to be in this roll of honor...i will try my best to do justice to them.....
posted by prad at 3:30 am
1 comments
